Fake a grand entrance!

Feeling awkward entering a restaurant solo? Here are 8 ways to feel like you’re making a grand entrance, with confidence!

One day I’d like to write a story about the reactions of people entering a public hospitality place on their own. I have often sat watching people as they step into a bar or restaurant, looking for the person or group they are due to meet inside. I’m not talking about the business environment, with solo people lining tables in front of their laptops (although that brings another social awkwardness, the ‘dare-not make-eye-contact’ phenomenon!), but I’m referring to the more casual environments, typically the Friday drinks-after-work or other social setting.

Of course there are the really confident ones, looking like they are walking into their own homes, whether it is a sheer act they are putting up (if they do it well most people are not able to tell), or whether they really are fully in charge of the situation. But then you get…

The one hovering outside, searching for her compatriots in a not-so-obvious way, busying herself with her mobile phone.

The one taking a full tour of the inside, pretending to be ever so nonchalant but with body language betraying – stiff shoulders, head facing straight ahead, eye darting around. And the complete shift in posture (relief!) when they do find their friends.

The one saying to the person at the door “I’m meeting friends”, and brushing past without explaining what the ”friends” look like, trying to limit time by the door (and in the spotlight) to not a nanosecond longer than necessary.

The guy walking in eyes surveying everything and everyone – a sort of male assessment of the “lay of the land”.

The one speaking loudly into her mobile phone (one has to wonder if they knew just how loudly, or whether it is on purpose!) “I can’t see you…where…where…oh <relieved giggle>…  I see you!” 

The one seeing someone else they know (person A), for whom they usually have zero time, and all but falling them around the neck, relieved they actually know someone. Until they find their actual companions at which point person A falls back into the abyss for them.

What often doesn’t help people who feel a bit self- conscious, whether they are meeting others or not, is the question from the door patron: “table for ….<unsure pause>… one?”

….And then the complete change once the new entrants are united with their companions inside, and THEY get to survey the people entering.

People often look and act uncomfortable when the imaginary spotlight (and it is really imaginary, because most are actually not paying attention), falls on them when they are alone, where “everyone else” (or so it seems) are in groups, having fun. Why is this? Is it because we feel vulnerable, “exposed”, when we – even if it is for a few seconds – feel we are not part of ‘the group’? Is it because somehow deep inside we can’t allow others to think we are not “belonging” – again even if it is for a few seconds? Is it an uncomfortable feeling (fear) that our friends may not have turned up without letting us know, even though we had confirmed they were going 10 minutes ago? And even if it may seem like a “little thing”, and if what I say may appear putting it down or tongue-in-cheek, I am aware that this kind of fear or self-consciousness is as real as anything.

Be that as it may, and whatever the reason, you become what you feel. So here are a few ways to feel more confident in these situations, which might help you to become more confident when you feel you are being “watched”:

  It is not about you

For the people inside it is not about how you feel or look, it is about how they are feeling (or think they are feeling). You are not in an awkward position stepping in, but the people already inside are feeling less awkward for it. For them it is about themselves. Remember this.

2       Fake it

The old adage certainly works. Study body language and behaviour of people you perceive as being confident in a public place, and practise it. Changing your physiology is a quick way to change your behaviour. It is called modelling.

3       Know that you are being envied

It is true. Amongst things people fear the most, is to feel vulnerable, hence common fear of public speaking. It is always easier to bark in a pack. Deep down they admire your guts when you dare to stand out and appear vulnerable. Again, remember this.

        Evaluate

Meet “them” on common ground. The “them” being the perceived onlookers (although they are not really looking!). You are a new distraction – whether you are viewed as “competition” to those already inside, or whether to confirm their imaginary perception of power. If you are being evaluated, evaluate back. You may as well do it now, because once you are inside, it may be downright rude. Look them squarely in the eye and think of it as an “assessment” (but do not judge!). Above all, see it as opportunity to meet new people.

         Practice

Practice makes perfect. After a while you will not even feel awkward and even if you do, it won’t look like you do. Dare to step out of your comfort zone more often. The more you can do a “little thing” such as entering a public place on your own, the better you will be equipped for the real big issues.

        Ditch the mobile phone

Or whatever it is you cling on to as an anchor to make you feel “less awkward”. Why? Because it sometimes makes you look more self-conscious (refer to examples I cited above!).

   Breathe

Trusted, trusted old breathing. Yes, ditch your mobile anchor as stated above, but use breathing as an anchor. Warning: this takes practice. We have long forgotten how to breathe properly at all, and in a stressful situation (when feeling exposed equals feeling stressed), this is usually the last thing on our minds. By constantly practicing mindfulness in other areas (including meditation), we will generally become more aware of this. And subsequently, feel less anxious.

  Smile

The clincher in every situation, as this is what everyone really needs. Be mindful of the possible reasons why a situation like this might be uncomfortable, and be aware that the others might also need a little help (even if it looks like they are comfortably united with their own packs). And once you have found you companions, return the favour to any newcomers.

And lastly, ever so often (or frequently if you wish), do not go to meet your “pack”. Be bold and do not arrange to meet someone beforehand. Just go on your own. Use it as your time, your celebration of stepping out. Remember, like in most things, the first time is the hardest. You never know…

Noticing...

I often write about being conscious and aware.  Today I want to urge you to be present for every waking moment and to notice what you notice. Allow your senses to experience a smorgasbord of delights. Try and feel every breath whilst you go about your tasks

But here's the thing...do so without attaching thoughts, opinions, judgements….

You'll hear the woman in the restaurant talking a tad too loudly, but you won't get annoyed.

You'll notice that your coffee may be slightly more bitter than yesterday but you'll explore it as a different sensation.

You might notice someone you see every day losing or gaining weight, hunching over more, with a duller look in their eyes - barely perceptible, and you'll smile just a tad warmer at them.

…The windows in need of cleaning, without trying to plan the cleaning straight away or sighing at the fact of more things to do.

…The way a pile of papers is arranged, a flower tilts its head, your car seat feels…

Noticing.

Love and light,

Celeste

Why “why not” is not good enough

“Why not” is the phrase we use when we mean we may as well try something, or do something, the implication is “it can do no harm”. No reason to do it, but no reason to not do it either.  I’m not talking about the “letting your hair down” feeling, which is both necessary and liberating, but more the sense of doing something because you can’t think of a good enough reason not to do it.

It can be healthy and liberating to do something “for the hell of it”, or “just because”. If we were to tread on eggshells all the time, only doing things that add value or aid in the process of achieving our goals or life’s purpose, it would only become another burden. Often wonderful things have ensued when we just do something “for the hell of it”.

But once we have discovered our authentic selves and get to live our lives purposefully (as it is meant to be lived), there is often a desire to do away with actions and behaviours that no longer serve us. We get to a stage where we do things because we WANT to or because it serves us, and not just “because”. And part of discovering our true self is the understanding of what drives us – our values, or our WHY’s.

The issue I have with doing something for a “why not” is that sometimes, just sometimes, we may not be totally honest about it. We may fool ourselves into believing there isn’t a reason. There is almost always a reason, even if it is doing something out of desperation. We still hope for a specific outcome; it is rarely just “because”. It may even cause us to deflect from our real drivers – our real why’s. A red herring. A detour … and deep down we know it, but do not want to admit it.

Is that a bad thing? Knowing something and just not caring to or wanting to admit it? No, probably not; not in itself. What is dangerous though, is when we pretend to or try to fool ourselves. You know the saying… we can fool some of the people some of the time, but we can’t fool all the people all the time, and I want to add - least of all ourselves!

So – “why not” may be a good enough “reason” to use on others, but it is not a good enough reason for yourself. Get down and get dead honest. Do not try to fool yourself!

Love and light,

Celeste

The best way

I was stuck in traffic the other morning - something that I am extremely grateful for not having to endure very often. I wasn’t upset or anything, I was just sitting there quietly minding my own business, listening to some audio, relaxing. But at one stage I realised this was getting ridiculous. I noticed that it took me about– oh, upwards of 30 minutes probably - to crawl a few hundred metres, maybe even less. Not kidding. Since I hardly ever drive that route, especially during peak traffic, I was wondering whether this was normal, or whether there was some incident or road works up ahead (it later turned out neither!). But then I noticed what was causing this – I was waiting at an exit off the highway – two lanes, with a long queue waiting ahead and behind me. However, many people were not prepared to wait so they were speeding past, squeezing in closer to the front. It meant the line wasn’t moving since people were continually pushing in, and as people in the line saw this, more and more of them got irate, got out of the line, sped ahead and pushed in too! To the point they were blocking one total lane on the freeway! The result was EVERYBODY (including them – as they had to beg, borrow and steal their spots!) was moving slower.

At first it made me think of a lesson in teamwork and how, if everybody were just moving at a slow pace, but MOVING, the whole line would benefit. But after a while of zero progress, it occurred to me I was sitting in a pack and other people were taking their chances. Now usually that’s me (taking the chances, not sitting in a pack) - PROVIDED it is not rude or offensive. Which the pushers-in were.  Also, I am not a timid person, so it is not about being a “walkover” for the pushers. So what could the lesson be here? I was not prepared to go with the second pack (the pushers) – and believe me at this stage they were a pack too. So I started thinking - how do I balance not getting upset, just accepting and being polite, with standing (well, driving in this case) for my rights, grabbing opportunities, moving ahead.

And that’s often a dilemma – balancing these (seemingly) opposing forces. We either have to be forceful or accepting, either the one or the other. Could this teach me (and maybe others if they will), to be accepting, yet not stagnating? To allow things, but to know where to draw the line?

Let’s rather think of balance – between what would serve us (in my case progressing), and being accommodating, or patient.  My message is this – as I am growing spiritually, I have learnt to become more patient and accepting. But at the same time I don’t want to sacrifice my tenacity and assertive nature. And I don’t have to; I just always have to find the best way, the balance.

I met a lady much later that day that was stuck (seemingly) in that same traffic jam, and she told me it had spoilt her whole day. I had to pity her as by that time I had long forgotten about it. It still only is a traffic jam, not worth ruining six, seven, eight subsequent hours, or what?

Oh, so how did I balance it? I am not sure if I had. But I made a point of telling the “offenders” to wait or signalled to them to get in behind me. Of course they didn’t all obey and most only drove further ahead and pushed in there, but some did actually “oblige” - which of course still upset the person behind me! (I smiled broadly at one gentleman, signalling he could fall in behind me like I was doing him the biggest favour in the world!). And I paid closer attention to “gaps” and actually as I started moving saw a few that I could take - without being rude.

But I had time to reflect again and learn more. About how this affects my life, the constant balance between being forceful and allowing. And actually it served me, as another synchronicity happened when I arrived at my destination, which probably would not have happened had I arrived earlier (more about that one later!). 

But for now my message remains one about being about the “best way”. And isn’t that apt for describing a driving incident!

Love and light,

Celeste

Holistic awareness

Those of you who read my blog and facebook posts regularly, will know how important the spiritual aspect is to me in finding true joy, true wellness, and true abundance. I call it “Get Your ZEST Back” – being that happy, peaceful, passionate YOU that comes from authentically living your purpose from within and making the most of it. To me, my spirit is the essence of me, but the total me has a body, mind and emotions too. That’s why I address the concepts of holistic health, inner wellness, and alignment of body, mind, spirit and emotions.

When you truly get to know yourself holistically (a word that has been horribly misinterpreted and thrown around, but that aside) - you being to understand more about the blockages that may prevent you from living that ZEST.

But how?? I believe in opening and balancing energies throughout all planes. I have found that there is no one solution or one single answer, a ‘ten steps to happiness’ or the ‘ABC of true abundance’-approach, but that the process is an agile, dynamic, evolutionary and holistic one.

Let me illustrate as an example:

This week I have had a few negative emotions to deal with – mainly anger, which turned into resentment, withdrawal, more anger, anxiety, more resentment, a bit of guilt, more anger….you get my drift? I was also paying close attention to my thoughts, and being aware where it manifested in my body. At times I just “let it all out”, at times I connected with nature (my personal energy replenisher) and overcame part of it, and at times I put a shield of false protection up around me. I went through some of my practices with vigour (meditation, journaling, reading), and neglected others (exercise, gratefulness, compassion). At times I was proud of myself, and at times I wanted to put my head in a hole and bury myself with shame. But I let it be and basically let it ride out.

Did it help? Oh yes! Not so much in alleviating the issues (still dealing with that), but being in touch with myself holistically is making it easier to identify, address and move on to releasing this particular issue. Hey, for sure judgement still comes up, and anger and resentment, but I believe I am becoming better equipped to deal with it. Or to at least to recognise the source and impact of it (both are important!). 

I had this need to go to a meditative yoga class this morning – despite another commitment – and chose the yoga. I had to feel and work through the blockages in my body and energy centers. It was the right choice. I tried not to judge myself where I felt tightness but just tried to be aware of it as part of what I have been (and partly still is) holding onto this week. Yes and I am acknowledging my own success in being able to let go and not judge myself (for the most part!).

All towards getting back – and keeping – my ZEST J

Love and light,

Celeste

The author has developed a personal nine module approach to address these which forms fart of her coaching toolkit. 

Dig deep

I often finish my blog posts with the words “whoever said personal growth was easy”. Today I want to explore this concept a bit further. Some may think that I am being negative in saying this, that when we do something that truly fulfills us everything would be easy, and that we wouldn’t mind discomfort if we are living our dreams. That may or may not be true, but I am talking about the journey.  

So we know that in order to achieve a goal or reach a destination we need to know exactly where we are. But if we talk about personal growth - or transformation - we also need to know exactly who we are. The road past is through it, and for that we need to understand the “self”. I often ask clients to describe themselves, and I’ve come to realise that very few of us truly know and understand who we are. I’m not even at the point of accepting or loving ourselves; I am merely at the point of understanding or connecting. Oh we describe what we do, we describe personality traits, and we are often good at describing who or what we are not, but very few of us can go deep within and connect with our true selves. See, it takes guts to do this. It means we might have to face fears, or shadows of ourselves that we have chosen to hide or bury. It means we might have to get uncomfortable and step out of our known, comfortable world.

I love the topic of freedom – freeing yourself from attachments and thought patterns that are holding you back. But you have to accept that the moment you are “free”, – then you take responsibility. Then there is nothing or no-one to blame! Yes, the road to freedom might take more guts than what we care to admit.

So the first step is to take full responsibility for your own growth. A “journey” like this may at times be hard or uncomfortable. The human mind is conditioned to remember the good times. How many times has something seemed really hard when you were doing it, but afterwards you don’t quite recall how “bad” it was? I used to do long-distance running. Many times whilst I was suffering from fatigue, I would swear NEVER to “do this to myself” again. Yet, soon afterwards – sometimes very soon, I would only remember the euphoria and even though the physical pain and exhaustion would still be very fresh, somehow it would pale and I would only remember the positive. This is because the human mind is created for survival. If we had to remember only the pain, we would rarely exert any real effort. Instinct makes us remember the pleasure or the reward, so we are inclined to repeat it – regardless of the apparent suffering at the time.

The problem is that it is during times of apparent discomfort or when the road gets hard that we give up. When it gets too uncomfortable, when emotions arise that we would rather not face, when there is work to do – facing stuff and changing it. It is easy for life to get in the way of true personal transformation.

True fulfillment is worth it. But be prepared to go all out. Wishy-washy effort is going to get you wishy-washy results. To get the most out of your personal journey, you need to be prepared to dig deep, even if it is uncomfortable. When you peel the onion and peel away layers, your eyes are likely to water. But only during the peeling. It will clear once the onion has been peeled.

Yes, personal growth may not always be easy, but it is so worth it!

Love and light,

Celeste

Toast and Marmite

Sometimes I have so many ideas in my head, not knowing which one to write about. And sometimes no idea comes. This evening I was somewhere in the middle - feeling the urge to write but not really knowing what about. I closed my eyes for a minute and imagined a piece of toast with Marmite (a kind of yeast-spread for the non-South Africans, similar to Vegemite for the Aussies). Strange? Yes. I am not craving toast with Marmite, never had. As a child, we got toast and Marmite when we were sick, as that was often all we could stomach when feeling unwell. When I was healthy, I wouldn't touch it because of the association, but when I felt poorly, I had to have it. Then it was nourishment.

So no, it's not really strange that it came to mind this evening, seeing that I'm sitting in a hospital writing this, visiting my dad. So my association this evening is not a piece of dry, hard bread with a yucky-ish yeast spread on top of it, but a symbol of nourishment.

And that brings me with what has been my personal topic of the week - clarity and vision. When we step back from something, it has a different meaning. It seizes to be what it appears to be at the time, but it becomes what we need to see, or what lies behind it.

I'm seeing nourishment and an outcome this evening, not yucky hospital food. And it doesn't need to be physical nourishment, in fact, I doubt it is. That doesn't matter. It is how you choose to see it. I could choose to view the sight of the piece of toast as "Oh, no wonder as I'm amongst sick people", or "May there always be hope for something better if things are going badly".

I don't know how this will end. But tonight I choose to see it as nourishment, not sick-bay food.

Love and light,

Celeste

Are you worthy?

How is that so many of us do not value ourselves?

…As if we are afraid of thinking of ourselves, and heavens forbid, use words that may imply that we are holding ourselves in high esteem. We have somehow been led to believe that it is only noble to put others in front of ourselves; not to come across as “vain” or taking credit. Not to regard ourselves as deserving. I have been very guilty of this, and still am. Something will go well, or I would do something well, and I would immediately want to justify or validate it.

There is also the idea that validation or approval needs to come from others. That “they” select you, you don’t select yourself. The measuring stick is the opinion of others – and these are mostly false as often we misinterpret or don’t even know what others are thinking. You know that thought of ‘what would “they” think’? Yes, what would they?! (Probably nothing!)

For many of us these thoughts manifest in beliefs that we are not deserving, that we have no value to add, that we are not good enough. Sometimes this happens over years, without us consciously noticing. So much so that some of us are afraid to actually peel off the layers or facades to reconnect with our true selves. To discover something good about ourselves – in our opinion. Something that we bring to the table because of what WE believe we can do. Cringing because ‘How could I!’ And because we have this inherent need to be right about things, if something happens that “proves” this (unworthiness), it gets reinforced deeper and deeper. If I believe I am not worthy of making the team, and I then get overlooked, it reinforces the belief – the internal dialogue of ‘See, I was right!’ Of course everybody can’t make the “team” but can I then hold 

my head high, move on and shake off the belief that I was not “worthy of being selected”?

Without going into any textbook definition, self-worth to me is that ability to believe in yourself. To regard yourself as valuable and to honour yourself. To believe you matter, no matter what.

There is a big difference in only thinking of yourself and false pride, and thinking well of yourself. A difference between the ego shouting “Me! Me! Me!” - at the expense of others, and honouring yourself enough to spread that honour and that love to others.

A little girl gets up in the dark and bitter cold to compete in a gymnastics competition. Not because she is forced to, or because of others, or because what she believes others will think. No, because she believes she is worthy of doing well, of a medal. Yes, that is the external measurement or yardstick, but it starts with her truly believing she is worthy.

When have you lost that belief in yourself? Can you get it back?

Love and light,

Celeste

My gift to myself

I very seldom in my life make room for feelings of loneliness. Whilst I am often alone, I rarely feel lonely. But yesterday I had a heart-warming experience. It is amazing how many of these (heart-warming experiences) one can have if one is open to it. It is always the meaning one attaches to it...

So I had to deal with someone who appeared (seemingly) abrupt, grumpy, dissatisfied and actually quite rude, and this has been going on for some time.

But I kept my calm as I suspected it was a facade and that the person was hiding something. So after a while I laid my hand over theirs and asked - in a very kind voice - what they are afraid of. That's when they broke down, burst into tears and told me how lonely they are. I just held them tightly. My dress got drenched in tears.

How often do we hide our emotions and put up a front to the world! I suspect a front to ourselves too, as long as we do not have to deal with it. And in the process we often alienate other people.

Isn't it much easier to be authentic? Yes and no, I guess. Denial causes stress; it's a constant battle against what comes naturally. Now loneliness is a terrible companion once you allow it to get a grip on you, so I understand the need to suppress it. But if it gets replaced or drowned by a demeanour of grumpiness or rudeness, it starts a downward spiral of less social interaction resulting in more (perceived) loneliness. 

So I often guide people to explore their feelings, to understand if it's real and, if it is, what it is telling you. It always tells us something we need to know and can be very empowering to confront our emotions.

But today I felt grateful for not reacting to perceived "difficult-ness", but to give that person a chance and to be there for them, to hold them. That was my lesson and my gift to myself. Very powerful indeed.... 

Love and light,

Celeste

What are you waiting for??

Are you finding you are constantly getting ready? Always one more thing to do before it is finally done? More things to learn, to consider, to acquire, before we can act?

There is a time to take DO. Things need not be 100%, or even 80% - in fact it seldom is. Successful people make decisions quickly and change their minds slowly – and they never wait until circumstances are perfect. They act when they know it is more beneficial to act than to wait, at any given point.

And do not confuse patience with in-action; it is an active “wait”, not a passive one.  Procrastination on the other hand, is.

Having no choice is very painful. So act before you have no choice.

How do you know it is “time” to act? Here are a few simple keys:

·         Learn to trust your inner voice. I have often written about this, and, truth be told, yes it MAY sometimes it does lead us astray (when we confuse the inner voice with that little voice on our shoulder or with impulse!), but the more we listen the better we will become at recognising a true calling. Learn to recognise how it manifests (I get familiar physical sensations that I have come to recognise as my internal “radar of 80% readiness”).

·         Journal. We are human beings and often forget or fail to realise patterns. Journaling, apart from the tremendous healing power of writing down your thoughts and experiences, actually helps us to detect and recognise our life paths. It provides clarity.

·         Are you using “perfectionism” as an excuse? Come on, we are evolving creatures. What is “perfect” now may not be perfect later. Stop hiding behind that and rather make your actions more “perfect”.

·         Ask yourself the question: Does it serve to wait? For what purpose? For what purpose? For what purpose? Get honest and get clear.

·         Understand why you are not acting. This is probably the single most important thing, and sometimes we need the objective perspective of a coach to see this, and help us to break through it. The duty of our subconscious is to protect us, and it will keep us in a comfort zone to do this. Is it fear? Baggage that you can’t let go of? A dead-end that you can’t seem to get out of? Awareness of the limiting belief is the first step to eliminate it.

·         Know that it sometimes takes courage. In the famous words of Nelson Mandela, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act despite the fear.” And know that one action will lead to a next…and to a next…and to a next…That is the nature of growing, and learning. It is never our final action, until we die.

I’ll say it again. Having no choice is very painful. So act before you have no choice.

Until next time…there is something I need to do! J

Love and light,

Celeste

Growing and Resting

I often get very obvious but very profound (for me) insights when I spend time in nature. I love my solitary bush walks and have a few secret hideaways in my local nature reserve where I reflect, meditate or just enjoy the sounds and scenes around me. The last few weeks were quite challenging and I did not get to do this as often as I would like, so this morning it was very obvious to me how winter has set in. Everything looked different from what it looked a mere two weeks ago.

I used to say I am a summer person; that I “hate” the winter. I am a passionate person, full of energy and I move fast and purposeful. A spring person. “Springy” too yes! J And whilst it is certainly true that I MUCH prefer the warmer weather and also certainly true that I get cold pretty easily (I wear THREE pairs of socks in winter – and some would say Pretoria winters are quite mild!), this morning it struck me how beautiful it all looked. Yes beautiful – the colours not as vivid anymore, many trees already devoid of leaves, and grass and bush becoming grey and dry. It looked beautiful to me because I became aware of resting. The endless cycle of blossoming, growing, and resting. Not birth and death, but growing and resting.  

Nature is also beautiful when resting. There is a different energy, quieter, mysterious, eerie, enchanting. I’m not looking at a dry bush, a dead tree or a colourless landscape. I’m seeing this, but I’m sensing more. It is as if nature urges me to look beyond the obvious, forcing me to understand better, hear deeper sounds - and it is drawing me closer. I feel as if it has something unique to share with me, it makes me feel special.

I guess that’s why I feel so exceptionally happy in nature. It is in nature that I get the peace and acceptance that has become part of me. It is where I become aware, and reflect. Grow and rest, with space for more. Space for spring and summer.

The beauty of spring and summer brings energy and joy and hope. EXCITEMENT! So can we perhaps also see the “colour” in winter - mysterious, slower and shyer? Perhaps not so “exciting” and vivid, but with a deeper passion and a quieter spaciousness? And can we perhaps expand that awareness to other areas of our lives – things that appear less exciting (“mundane”), people that are less colourful, and places that are a bit darker? And also appreciate these for what they are?

Of course we can. It will make us feel special.

Love and light,

Celeste

Signs and symbols

Let's talk about signs and symbols. I love signs and symbols. So yesterday, during morning meditation a sign came to me, and, may I say, a very unusual sign. Not one to be encountered in suburbia. I'll be specific; I "saw" an image of a leopard. And I knew I would encounter that signal (the leopard) during the day if I stay aware of it. Of course I knew that I might not physically come across one unless I left the city (and I had no plans to do so yesterday), and although I had no idea how, I knew I that in some shape or form, the leopard would "come" to me.

So what happened? During the first - the very first - conversation I walked into yesterday morning, this guy was telling a story of a leopard he came across the week before. He was talking about the footprints. Okay, my cue to pay attention!

Now of course this is not about the leopard. Yes, the leopard represents something to me - it is a symbol for me, but that's over and above the point I want to bring across. It really is about a clue - during morning meditation I was given a clue to watch out for throughout the day. I say I was "given", but it came from within me, that place of knowing, of wisdom and eternal knowing, that which we often ignore. And yes I guess I was fortunate to arrive at it so quickly; like I said the first morning conversation I heard.

So what did the clue tell me? Well I don't know that. Yet. It may not be important for me to know now, it will be revealed later. But what I did do was pay very close attention to the conversation, exchange details and alerted myself to the knowing that these people had something to share or do or add value in my life. I became acutely aware and made mental notes. This was not just a time-filler conversation (well, maybe for them, but not for me!)

Now before you think this blog post a bit too airy-fairy, consider for a moment all the rituals, symbols and signs we come across during our daily lives. If it is external, we believe it, but when it comes from us, we often put it down as dreams, figments of imagination, wishful thinking, or even paranoia. Some sceptics even say "Well, you will see what you want to see." And I totally agree! You WILL see what you believe, NOT the other way around! It’s what you do WHEN you see it that matters.

My sign yesterday was to pay very close attention to when the "leopard" appeared and I did. That's all I have for now...

Love and light,

Celeste

Breaking hearts to break free

Sometimes we just KNOW we need to do something. When that inner voice becomes so loud we can’t ignore it. It keeps nagging at us and simply won’t go away. We start noticing signs in everything we do and everywhere we look.

You know what I’m talking about. Call it whatever you want – gut, intuition, knowing, The Calling - it’s the same thing.

And yet we so often ignore it. I have spoken about ignoring it out of fear or limiting beliefs within ourselves. But often we ignore it because of OTHERS. Sometimes we fear that heeding “The Call” might hurt others. We sacrifice, and that is rarely a good thing. It comes back to bite us. Later, when we are the ones feeling hurt or betrayed when, after making the “sacrifice”, life turns in a different direction.

I’m not saying sacrificing is not good or noble. Mother Theresa sacrificed. So did Nelson Mandela. But they followed their inner calling. It is when we sacrifice despite our inner calling that things go pear-shaped.

I believe everything we do must adhere to three basic requirements – is it good for us, is it good for others, and is it for the greater good. For me, the greater good means in the best interest (“right” or pure) of the environment, the world, the universe, and for all concerned.

I also believe that if it TRUELY is that deep inner knowing within us that calls (and not the ego or a “whim”), that it will be for the greater good of all concerned. Our natural state is love, so that Voice will be leading to the path of bliss, even if this may not always be evident immediately.

So sometimes we hear that calling but ignore it for fear of hurting others. But to hurt is a perceived feeling. It is when the outcome of an act or event is not as we’ve expected it to be, so we might feel let down, disappointed or betrayed. But that is only the meaning that we attach to the outcome. The act or the event might still be good or pure – and for the greater good. I don’t have to cite examples here. So we let it be for fear that others might attach a meaning to the outcome of our actions that we have betrayed them; for fear of breaking their hearts.

Sometimes we have to break hearts to allow ourselves and others to break free and follow our bliss. For the greater good. Hearts will mend and grow stronger. Meaning and perceptions will change. But the call might never go away.

Nobody said it will be easy. But it will be good.

Love and light,

Celeste

Ba careful what you wish for!

Be careful what you wish for. It might just come true!

So goes the old saying, and like most old sayings, has is a lot of truth behind it.

I live in the city but have a need to escape it fairly on a fairly regular basis. Which usually happens on impulse. I decide to go (these days admittedly it requires slightly more careful planning around commitments and constraints), see what options are available and suitable, and go. And I am always amazed at the comments from people about how "lucky" I am to "just do it". Yes, I agree, the fact that I do not have small children (in my case, none at all) makes it easier, but I have other constraints.  For example, I do not have a steady income, so if I do go, I have to weigh that up against loss of income (no paid leave for me!). And the kids can go along too, or stay with grandma or leave them behind with Dad (or Mom) if you want. Or go for a shorter period. Whatever! Come to think of it, the people who comment most about "lucky", are the ones who actually have no "excuse" (for lack of a better word). They are usually also the ones who are financially in a WAY better position than I am to go, if they so wish.

And "excuse" is probably the right word. I suspect - and I know not to make assumptions - but I do have this nagging suspicion that most (okay, many) people who voice their envy do not really want to go. Let's just stay with the example of a few days' break (as this may apply to many scenarios) - it involves work! You still have to pack a few items of clothing, travel, sleep in different surrounds, etc. etc. - at the very least. You can take everything and the kitchen sink or you can pack only a toothbrush and clean undies, but you still have to do something. And it may involve risk. The weather might be foul, you might miss your team's game, you might lose out on a good party "back home", traffic, the bedding may not be as nice as yours. It is much easier to have an excuse (work, money, kids, partner....).

My point is, we are rarely "lucky". It always is about choices and options. I have the utmost respect for someone who really longs to do something but simply are not able to, but rarely do you hear these people complain or voice their envy.

The freedom to "just do it" involves a lot of responsibility. If you do it, it is your choice. No-one or nothing to blame.

So next time you say you wish you could do something, think carefully about what's stopping you. And if nothing is, think carefully whether you really wish for it. Because it may just come true!

Love and light,

Celeste

Little voice

Which voice do I listen to?

(Part 1)

Our inner being has an amazing way of telling the truth. That knowing within us. We can put up a facade and ignore it, but that little voice will keep popping up. However, most of people don't recognize it or simply do not hear it. It is drowned by the sounds of the outer life which demands our attention. But hereon lies the paradox. For if we don't adhere to our true selves (the little voice I'm talking about), the outer world can not get our rightful attention. Our best. Moreover, the little voice is also drowned by the sound of that outer, evil, negative voice that sits on our shoulders and pretends to be us. That voice which leads us astray, tells us we are not good enough, it can't be done, and a host of other untruths.

So how do we tell the difference between these two voices and how do we know which voice to listen to?

I'll address it in stages...

Firstly, you need to be able HEAR the inner (good) voice - your Self.

Sometimes it takes years of undoing the things that drowned that little voice. So we need to learn to reconnect with ourselves and our inner beings. To be still, empty and spacious, and to really listen. We can do that through meditation, breathing practices, journalling, connecting with nature, retreats, teachers and gurus, and other practices. These are all excellent practices that support it, but we need to also understand what suits of us individually. Each of us is different, and whilst practices help and can make a huge difference, it is still up to the individual to apply what resonates with them and to adapt it to suit them. And to sustain it.

A Coach can do wonders to guide us with spiritual and inner transformation practices. People sometimes spend years searching...trying many different things, and although the search for Self, growth or transformation is a personal one, and the only way to it is through it, guidance is a gift some people are willing to give, so why not take it?! A Coach can help us explore what really drives us, help identify the clutter in our heads so we can be more authentic and better able to understand that little voice, and support us through implementing and sustaining good practices to make it "stick".

Take a moment to reflect on this and be honest with yourself. Can you hear that little voice? Do you recognize it? And do you listen to it and stay true to it? Or do you boast about "your gut always being right" without really understanding it?

Next up... Part Two.

Love and light,
Celeste

Which voice do I listen to?

(Part 1)

Our inner being has an amazing way of telling the truth. That knowing within us. We can put up a facade and ignore it, but that little voice will keep popping up. However, most of people don't recognize it or simply do not hear it. It is drowned by the sounds of the outer life which demands our attention. But hereon lies the paradox. For if we don't adhere to our true selves (the little voice I'm talking about), the outer world can not get our rightful attention. Our best. Moreover, the little voice is also drowned by the sound of that outer, evil, negative voice that sits on our shoulders and pretends to be us. That voice which leads us astray, tells us we are not good enough, it can't be done, and a host of other untruths.

So how do we tell the difference between these two voices and how do we know which voice to listen to?

I'll address it in stages...

Firstly, you need to be able HEAR the inner (good) voice - your Self.

Sometimes it takes years of undoing the things that drowned that little voice. So we need to learn to reconnect with ourselves and our inner beings. To be still, empty and spacious, and to really listen. We can do that through meditation, breathing practices, journalling, connecting with nature, retreats, teachers and gurus, and other practices. These are all excellent practices that support it, but we need to also understand what suits of us individually. Each of us is different, and whilst practices help and can make a huge difference, it is still up to the individual to apply what resonates with them and to adapt it to suit them. And to sustain it.

A Coach can do wonders to guide us with spiritual and inner transformation practices. People sometimes spend years searching...trying many different things, and although the search for Self, growth or transformation is a personal one, and the only way to it is through it, guidance is a gift some people are willing to give, so why not take it?! A Coach can help us explore what really drives us, help identify the clutter in our heads so we can be more authentic and better able to understand that little voice, and support us through implementing and sustaining good practices to make it "stick".

Take a moment to reflect on this and be honest with yourself. Can you hear that little voice? Do you recognize it? And do you listen to it and stay true to it? Or do you boast about "your gut always being right" without really understanding it?

Next up... Part Two.

Love and light,
Celeste

Little teacher lady

I see her on Sundays. The little lady selling the Sunday paper on the corner of an intersection near where I live. She exuberantly waves at everybody driving or walking past. I have never seen her without a smile - one of those smiles you can see from a distance away and that brightens your day.

Of course I smile and wave back. I don't think many would be able to resist smiling and waving back.

She is modestly dressed in slacks and the T-shirt from the paper for promotion, but never shabby. Her hair is clean and neatly trimmed, and although old age has started showing a slight stoop, she holds herself well. She does not look tired or sad, does not invoke pity.  She is proud and not ashamed. And she shares it with all.

I don't care about the Sunday paper. But I will buy from her - as I'm not buying the paper, but I'm receiving her joy and her presence. Buy the paper, as she does not need my charity in the form of donations. She provides it. The paper is the symbol for what I'm getting from her. The learnings.

She is a teacher. We learn from masters, universities, books, accredited forums, the internet and plenty other sources. Wonderful sources. But we sometimes overlook the best teachers. The ones who show us real, simple life; who teach us to have a simple grateful, joyous attitude, despite obvious financial and probably other difficulties. She teaches how to give and to enrich and to heal.

I think that is real happiness.

Love and light.

Celeste x

Kisk ass in style

Trawling through social media and blogs today, I became aware of the theme I'm picking up on today. Our awareness goes what we focus on, and for a few days I have been pondering the notion of fitting in, or conforming to the expectations of society (or not!). So the thread I'm noticing today is one of don't ask for permission, just go out there and do it.

Actually that is not true. I have not only thought of "fitting in" for the last few days. I have been thinking that my whole life. As long as I can remember, my biggest desire was to fit in, to be accepted, to be one of "them". To blend in and to disappear. To lose or not develop my individuality. These last descriptions only dawned upon me once I finally gave up the struggle (and it was a struggle!) to fit in. Oh, of course I respect boundaries and have a very healthy sense of what is appropriate (behaviour, dress, language etc.) in any given situation, or rather, most of the time <chuckle>.

So I'm wondering how many of us sometimes feel a bit restricted by what society expects of us. Or actually, our perception of what society expects of us. We constantly worry what others think of us. And I guess we all know "others" (society, they) don't give a hoot really. Because "they" are too worried about what others think of them. But still we keep that safety blanket over us and for some of us that blanket becomes h-e-a-v-y.

So throw it off. It is very liberating to celebrate your individualism. Many of us long to do it. But, there is a big BUT. You have to do it with style and confidence. If you want to portray the message that you don't care (within healthy social parameters) for fitting in, your whole being should reflect that. You have to stand tall in your uniqueness.

So, the message I got today was to not ask for permission (from who again???), but to go out there and do it. And I'm adding....."but do it with charisma, courage and guts!" If you're going to kick ass, kick ass in style!

PS - you want to share stories of how-to, let me know, happy to share experiences.

Love and light,

Celeste

Balance

The whole universe adheres to natural laws of balance. Every manmade structure needs balance. Every yoga class always has a few balance asanas (poses) in it. Everything we know has at least two sides - day and night, summer and winter, up and down, even good and evil. So why do we as humans often think we can defy this? Often ignoring or not even acknowledging the concept of balance in our lives. Someone told me this morning it has been 13 years since they've taken a holiday. The other day I heard about someone driving for 6 hours straight, not taking their foot off the pedal once. I see people eating too much at one sitting in restaurants. I know of people who either never socialize, or always socialize. At one stage I always wore black.

Now obviously it is admirable and possibly empowering to do something that requires focus and determination for a prolonged period of time. To be able to complete a sporting endurance event, for example. To focus and complete a task brings enormous satisfaction. And is required! And of course we all indulge ever so often, whatever the indulgence may be! And that is okay.

What may not be okay is if we don't realize an imbalance, or worse, when we realize it and we are unable to do something about it. We know it - too much is not a good thing.

And often it is not because we don't know that our lives are out of whack. Take for instance balance in our relationships. People often they know they do not allow themselves (or their partner) sufficient time, in lieu of work, kids, outside demands. They consciously know of an imbalance but are incapable of addressing it as their lives are just "too crazy". Or they say they don't read enough, or spend too much time on social media, or spend too much money, however they define "too much" or "not enough".

We can address the need-to's, ought-to's, shoulds and shouldn'ts. These are symptoms of our views and blueprints, and often signals of a deeper cause. But let's start with a slightly simpler way to create more balance.

Take a look at all the areas of your life as objectively as possible and check for any imbalances. Now....

Ask yourself WHY instead of HOW

Yes, the HOW might be important, but don't negate the reason for understanding why you do something. And seek the reason within yourself, not outside. The person who has not taken a holiday for 13 years has most likely not done it because of a boss, money, outside pressure or because they didn't get to the HOW'S. The perpetual over-eater is doing so because of some underlying reason, not because they don't know HOW to stop.

Once we know the real why, we can address it. What we THINK is the issue, rarely is. It is always the pattern, not the problem.

Start small

Don't try to change everything at once. Identifying all areas to address may highlight a pattern of behaviour, and that is all you need to start. Breaking the pattern is the next step.

Get outside perspective

A coach can not only help us see a pattern more clearly, but can guide us to identify blocks that may prevent us from moving forward, and support us to break the pattern. They can also hold us accountable, which is often what we need to prevent us from falling back into a pattern. Get yourself a life coach.

Become more self-aware

Notice when you are beginning to get out of alignment in any area. We often don't see the needle on the scale creeping up before it is "too late". People from failed marriages often say.... if only I'd known, or did/didn't..." Doing this does not take time. Learn to notice your emotions in any given situations as they are barometers or warning signals. Learn to pay attention to your own body. Take time before you react so you notice your emotions, thoughts and physical reactions.

Journal

Even if you enter one line a day, it is a start. Learn, understand and manage your life. Now look back onto it and reflect – what are the entries about?

Be grateful

Cultivate a habit of being grateful for everything. The beauty if this is that it automatically brings a sense of perspective. And ultimately, balance.

Then, take action…..we’ll talk about that next time.

Love and light,

Celeste

Abandon your past??

Are you courageous enough to abandon your past? Many of us have trouble leaving behind the scars of a past that was challenging, dark or sad. But that's a topic for another day...plenty of "let go" affirmations focus on that one. But can you abandon a past that was successful.

Huh? Why abandon a past that was successful?

Because that's how you grow!

Abandon is a strong word. Soften it if you like, but be firm. If you want to move forward, you need to move your whole body in the same direction - forward. Both legs, both arms, head, and eyes in front of you. Oh, absolutely smell the roses on the way, bask in tour glories, relax and saviour the memories, but move forward.

A lot of us stay stuck in our heads. We call it memories, treasures, etc. but in reality the same thought patterns revolve over and over the same things, and before we know it, we are stuck. Sadly stuck.

I once had a friend who always used to say "better a has-been than a never-been". I believe that statement can be taken totally out of context. I have more respect for the person who keeps on trying after failing again and again (as long as they keep on tying though!) - who some may dismiss as a "never-been", - than I have for the person who keeps on blowing their trumpet about an "achievement" they had years ago. Success is relative. Who was it who said "you're only as good as your last success"? <Substitute success with game, performance, run, book...>

Notice I used the word courageous in the opening line. Because it really is! So take credit if you succeed!

Love and light,

Celeste

Just go back to bed!

There is this wonderful line in Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" right in the beginning, when Liz is just starting to experience turmoil around her marriage where she goes into the bathroom and hears this voice: "Just go back to bed!" No earth-shattering, life altering command, no great vision asking her to abandon everything right there and then, no field-of-dreams-if-you-build-it-they-will-come-type voice. No, just a quiet voice (which she actually realised as coming from within her) telling her to do the only sensible thing she could do at that moment. Now, Liz at the time is starting to question her life's purpose and meaning so just to "go back to bed" was probably not what she was anticipating. But she obeys. And things start changing.

And isn't that the beauty of how things happen. If - IF - we let it, “It”< and whether you want to call "It" the universe, God, divine guidance, Source> always has to best timing. It is when we interfere or have expectations that things often go pear shaped. Oh, sure we have to take action on the calling, and Liz did, but right at that moment the realization was enough for her. She did not need to do anything more than go back to bed, as her path had already been altered.

And I’m thinking of myself in this scenario. I can procrastinate for days, weeks, months and then when I finally get going, wild horses can't stop me. When I feel a "calling", I want to act immediately. Going back to bed is then not an option. I can just see myself saying - "well, God, (I refer to God not in a religious sense or as a separate entity, but as a name for the divine guidance within and around me), God, you wanted me to realise/see/understand this, and here I am, ready and willing (well sometimes not so willing, but still) - and you're telling me to go back to bed??"

Yet, sometimes it is just the act of surrendering, allowing and doing nothing that is the next step. Actually, come to think of it, if I trust this guidance enough to having come to realise this, shouldn't I also trust it to guide me further? So really, we are probably dealing with my very old and familiar friend, IMPATIENCE. Going back to bed did not mean Liz's life was not going to change; it just was not going to (physically) change THAT NIGHT. That night she needed the rest.

So, let us just "go back to bed" when we need the rest.

Love and light,

Celeste

Being human

We are spiritual beings in a human body. I constantly wish to be more spiritual and often chastise myself for being too "human". I would prefer to let Spirit guide me more, but my ego so often gets the better of me. But yesterday during my walk in the woods I truly marvelled at being in a human body.  The spirit guides and the angels are wonderful beings and I am grateful for their presence in my life, but I almost (well, not really, but almost almost) felt pity on them as I was experiencing the wonder of my (human) senses.

Because I am human, I can SEE. Not merely look at nature but truly see the beauty....little insects, bigger birds....the beauty of the trees, the nuances of colours and shades on rocks and stones, different species of plants and how they grow in unison. And further afield, the intricacies in a painting, the love in a mother's eyes holding her baby, the concentration on the face of children totally engrossed in an activity. Even see the opportunities to bestow compassion and help to others.

Because I am human, I can LISTEN. To birds conversing, branches swaying to the music of the breeze. Even to the stillness, that place within me where all is quiet. Then, when I get back home and hear the neighbours' loud voices, I can choose, before getting irritated and uptight about it, to be grateful for the gift of hearing as it enables me to listen to the world and to my fellow humans. To once more realize we are social beings and be grateful for the connection to and reassurance of people around me.

Because I am human, I can SMELL. What a wonderful gift breathing is! I can welcome the prana deep into my lungs and invite the smells and energies of this world to play and intertwine inside me. What wonderful memories certain fragrances invoke - freshly cut grass, delicious home-made soup, the countryside after being washed by rain - or before, the perfume of a loved one. But I can also smell urbanisation, development and people round me. Whilst all may not be pleasant smells, it reminds me of longing and belonging.

Because I am human, I can TASTE. Yes, whilst walking I can "taste" the bush, but how awesome to taste a sip of water, to taste food, taste a piece of cheesecake, taste a lover. I can experience a smorgasbord of gustatory delights, and it doesn't need to involve food.

But mostly, because I am human, I can FEEL. Physically feel the stroke of leaves and branches on my skin as I walk past, feel the soft soil under my feet, feel the cold water of the stream on my face and arms. And of course, experience the feeling of fresh linen against my skin (very grateful for that!), feel the heat and the cold of the weather through all different seasons, and really feel the body and emotion of someone when I hug them real tight and they hug me back! Which all leads me to this amazing feeling inside, that feelings which I can’t describe or wouldn't even want to as in a sense (pardon the pun!) it would diminish it.

A teacher of mine often said: "Let me lead you to that place of magnificence". Yesterday morning I have been there and it was because I am human; in a human body, but I was allowing my spirit to embrace that human-ness. My senses brought me the gift of emotions and led me to that place of magnificence.

Love and light,

Celeste x

Masks

Do you sometimes wear a mask? Do you sometimes "lie" to the world or put up a front to hide your true feelings?

I guess we all do sometimes. And it might be okay, really. Wearing a mask CAN be okay, provided we know when we're "wearing" one (how often can we fool ourselves into believing what we want to portray, even if it is a lie!). And if it is temporary; that we will acknowledge (and deal with!) our true emotions at some stage. Whenever I'm teaching but do not "feel" like it (we probably all feel like that sometimes if we're honest I guess), I have to put up a front lest I "infect" the learners negatively. It could be for whatever reason - I could have had a fall-out with my partner that morning, my dog could have died, or I could be really just having a bad hair day! But if I allow any negativity to be portrayed, chances are I will have less than optimal results teaching others. Oh, there might be empathy from others; I can share what I'm feeling or what has happened, but showing empathy towards me is not the responsibility of others, and certainly is not to be used by me as any kind of "excuse".

So...I might be “wearing" a mask temporarily. And yes, I can continue to be grateful and allow positive thoughts to replace any negative emotions, but come on, we're emotional beings and we will experience less than joyful feelings at times. When I say "negative" emotions, I'm referring to those emotions that we probably do not want to feel - anger, hurt, sadness, etc. No matter how positive we are, these emotions are par for the course. So I like to refer to being REAL, instead of being positive. And if I'm REAL, there are times when I might not feel okay, and when it will be okay to put my mask on.

Oh of course once I have this mask on, I might (and probably will) automatically be feeling better after a while. - albeit behind or because of a mask. Chances are I will naturally experience a mood shift due to the physiological effect.  But in this case that is not the purpose of my mask. Its purpose is so that, even if I may not be able to spread pure joy that day (because I am human!), at least it may prevent me from spreading negative emotions!

So, I might even consider making myself a brightly coloured, crazy paper mask. To remind myself that it IS in fact a mask when I need to "wear” it, and that I need to take it off at some point, so to speak. And for a laugh!

Love and light,

Celeste x