Dig deep

I often finish my blog posts with the words “whoever said personal growth was easy”. Today I want to explore this concept a bit further. Some may think that I am being negative in saying this, that when we do something that truly fulfills us everything would be easy, and that we wouldn’t mind discomfort if we are living our dreams. That may or may not be true, but I am talking about the journey.  

So we know that in order to achieve a goal or reach a destination we need to know exactly where we are. But if we talk about personal growth - or transformation - we also need to know exactly who we are. The road past is through it, and for that we need to understand the “self”. I often ask clients to describe themselves, and I’ve come to realise that very few of us truly know and understand who we are. I’m not even at the point of accepting or loving ourselves; I am merely at the point of understanding or connecting. Oh we describe what we do, we describe personality traits, and we are often good at describing who or what we are not, but very few of us can go deep within and connect with our true selves. See, it takes guts to do this. It means we might have to face fears, or shadows of ourselves that we have chosen to hide or bury. It means we might have to get uncomfortable and step out of our known, comfortable world.

I love the topic of freedom – freeing yourself from attachments and thought patterns that are holding you back. But you have to accept that the moment you are “free”, – then you take responsibility. Then there is nothing or no-one to blame! Yes, the road to freedom might take more guts than what we care to admit.

So the first step is to take full responsibility for your own growth. A “journey” like this may at times be hard or uncomfortable. The human mind is conditioned to remember the good times. How many times has something seemed really hard when you were doing it, but afterwards you don’t quite recall how “bad” it was? I used to do long-distance running. Many times whilst I was suffering from fatigue, I would swear NEVER to “do this to myself” again. Yet, soon afterwards – sometimes very soon, I would only remember the euphoria and even though the physical pain and exhaustion would still be very fresh, somehow it would pale and I would only remember the positive. This is because the human mind is created for survival. If we had to remember only the pain, we would rarely exert any real effort. Instinct makes us remember the pleasure or the reward, so we are inclined to repeat it – regardless of the apparent suffering at the time.

The problem is that it is during times of apparent discomfort or when the road gets hard that we give up. When it gets too uncomfortable, when emotions arise that we would rather not face, when there is work to do – facing stuff and changing it. It is easy for life to get in the way of true personal transformation.

True fulfillment is worth it. But be prepared to go all out. Wishy-washy effort is going to get you wishy-washy results. To get the most out of your personal journey, you need to be prepared to dig deep, even if it is uncomfortable. When you peel the onion and peel away layers, your eyes are likely to water. But only during the peeling. It will clear once the onion has been peeled.

Yes, personal growth may not always be easy, but it is so worth it!

Love and light,

Celeste

Toast and Marmite

Sometimes I have so many ideas in my head, not knowing which one to write about. And sometimes no idea comes. This evening I was somewhere in the middle - feeling the urge to write but not really knowing what about. I closed my eyes for a minute and imagined a piece of toast with Marmite (a kind of yeast-spread for the non-South Africans, similar to Vegemite for the Aussies). Strange? Yes. I am not craving toast with Marmite, never had. As a child, we got toast and Marmite when we were sick, as that was often all we could stomach when feeling unwell. When I was healthy, I wouldn't touch it because of the association, but when I felt poorly, I had to have it. Then it was nourishment.

So no, it's not really strange that it came to mind this evening, seeing that I'm sitting in a hospital writing this, visiting my dad. So my association this evening is not a piece of dry, hard bread with a yucky-ish yeast spread on top of it, but a symbol of nourishment.

And that brings me with what has been my personal topic of the week - clarity and vision. When we step back from something, it has a different meaning. It seizes to be what it appears to be at the time, but it becomes what we need to see, or what lies behind it.

I'm seeing nourishment and an outcome this evening, not yucky hospital food. And it doesn't need to be physical nourishment, in fact, I doubt it is. That doesn't matter. It is how you choose to see it. I could choose to view the sight of the piece of toast as "Oh, no wonder as I'm amongst sick people", or "May there always be hope for something better if things are going badly".

I don't know how this will end. But tonight I choose to see it as nourishment, not sick-bay food.

Love and light,

Celeste

Are you worthy?

How is that so many of us do not value ourselves?

…As if we are afraid of thinking of ourselves, and heavens forbid, use words that may imply that we are holding ourselves in high esteem. We have somehow been led to believe that it is only noble to put others in front of ourselves; not to come across as “vain” or taking credit. Not to regard ourselves as deserving. I have been very guilty of this, and still am. Something will go well, or I would do something well, and I would immediately want to justify or validate it.

There is also the idea that validation or approval needs to come from others. That “they” select you, you don’t select yourself. The measuring stick is the opinion of others – and these are mostly false as often we misinterpret or don’t even know what others are thinking. You know that thought of ‘what would “they” think’? Yes, what would they?! (Probably nothing!)

For many of us these thoughts manifest in beliefs that we are not deserving, that we have no value to add, that we are not good enough. Sometimes this happens over years, without us consciously noticing. So much so that some of us are afraid to actually peel off the layers or facades to reconnect with our true selves. To discover something good about ourselves – in our opinion. Something that we bring to the table because of what WE believe we can do. Cringing because ‘How could I!’ And because we have this inherent need to be right about things, if something happens that “proves” this (unworthiness), it gets reinforced deeper and deeper. If I believe I am not worthy of making the team, and I then get overlooked, it reinforces the belief – the internal dialogue of ‘See, I was right!’ Of course everybody can’t make the “team” but can I then hold 

my head high, move on and shake off the belief that I was not “worthy of being selected”?

Without going into any textbook definition, self-worth to me is that ability to believe in yourself. To regard yourself as valuable and to honour yourself. To believe you matter, no matter what.

There is a big difference in only thinking of yourself and false pride, and thinking well of yourself. A difference between the ego shouting “Me! Me! Me!” - at the expense of others, and honouring yourself enough to spread that honour and that love to others.

A little girl gets up in the dark and bitter cold to compete in a gymnastics competition. Not because she is forced to, or because of others, or because what she believes others will think. No, because she believes she is worthy of doing well, of a medal. Yes, that is the external measurement or yardstick, but it starts with her truly believing she is worthy.

When have you lost that belief in yourself? Can you get it back?

Love and light,

Celeste

My gift to myself

I very seldom in my life make room for feelings of loneliness. Whilst I am often alone, I rarely feel lonely. But yesterday I had a heart-warming experience. It is amazing how many of these (heart-warming experiences) one can have if one is open to it. It is always the meaning one attaches to it...

So I had to deal with someone who appeared (seemingly) abrupt, grumpy, dissatisfied and actually quite rude, and this has been going on for some time.

But I kept my calm as I suspected it was a facade and that the person was hiding something. So after a while I laid my hand over theirs and asked - in a very kind voice - what they are afraid of. That's when they broke down, burst into tears and told me how lonely they are. I just held them tightly. My dress got drenched in tears.

How often do we hide our emotions and put up a front to the world! I suspect a front to ourselves too, as long as we do not have to deal with it. And in the process we often alienate other people.

Isn't it much easier to be authentic? Yes and no, I guess. Denial causes stress; it's a constant battle against what comes naturally. Now loneliness is a terrible companion once you allow it to get a grip on you, so I understand the need to suppress it. But if it gets replaced or drowned by a demeanour of grumpiness or rudeness, it starts a downward spiral of less social interaction resulting in more (perceived) loneliness. 

So I often guide people to explore their feelings, to understand if it's real and, if it is, what it is telling you. It always tells us something we need to know and can be very empowering to confront our emotions.

But today I felt grateful for not reacting to perceived "difficult-ness", but to give that person a chance and to be there for them, to hold them. That was my lesson and my gift to myself. Very powerful indeed.... 

Love and light,

Celeste