2014 - Love and Honour

So 2013 is just about over…

If I have to take one take-away thought from this past year it is this: to Honour and Love myself. Easy words, often said. But over the past few days I have been reflecting again on what it really means to honour myself. I believe I am a divine creature and that Divinity is within and around me, as it is in others. I have a duty to honour that Divinity – to allow myself to receive, to be, and to give, without prejudice or judgement. To have a reverie for and a trust – unconditional trust – in my own being. To put my feelings and reactions aside and allow myself and others to BE.

It does not mean to fear. It does not mean to admire that which I do not agree with or hold something in regard if it does not match my values. It also does not mean to put myself down in favour of other “respected” views. It does not mean to lose my passion and my fiery nature. But it does mean to have a reason to honour (i.e. reflect my purpose), to be true to myself, to have esteem for and create a space for the respected subject, be it a person, someone’s views, or myself.

In fact, herein lies the biggest lesson – self-respect. Esteem for one’s own being. Not to clutter or cloud it with my feelings of fear, hurt, guilt or anger. NOT allowing negative influences or reactions to taint it, but to detach from situations and ensure I honour that being. Hence the second part – to love myself.

It has been said that love is near impossible to define. So I won’t attempt to do it now. But I will attempt to let a constant feeling of love and wisdom surround me and my actions. To not tolerate something in my life that I can’t love or that does not allow me to love and honour myself. Not to react to it, but simply to detach.

That does not mean I won’t assert myself. Oh yes I will! Assertiveness does not mean to react negatively. It means to stand up for and bring in to myself, that which will cause my own inner light, my true being, to shine.

So I hereby state my resolve:

To not allow situations, or people to cause me to dishonour myself.

To love myself. To love myself more.

Most of all, to allow others – and thereby myself – to BE. We are all divine creatures, regardless of our earthly actions and reactions.

Will I succeed all the time? It doesn’t matter. I resolve to love myself more.

Here’s to 2014!

Love and light,

Celeste

Pain

I'm quite sure nobody wants to really read or write about pain. It's something we try to avoid. Our natural state as human beings is one of joy. We are born as joyful beings with pure awareness and no thoughts. Later we develop thoughts and experiences - which is what elevates us over animals. But with experience, and more so, thoughts around those experiences, often comes pain. So, I deliberately titled this blog :-)

What is pain? Pain comes when our experiences do not match our expectations and our desires. When we are hurt. Should we avoid pain? Is there even a way to avoid pain? I don't believe so. I believe pain is as natural as joy, given what we experience in life. The more we live, the more joyful we can become, but along with that, we also risk incurring pain.

What to do? Sitting with pain and nurturing it makes it worse. But we might not need to "sit" with it. Yes, we might need to acknowledge it...knowing it is there, giving it some space, but knowing that the key to dealing with it (healing) comes in the action to acknowledge and then move forward. And what would that be? Maybe the first step is not to suppress tears or sadness. I have found tremendous healing in tears. It may not work for everybody; I certainly do not want to "prescribe" how to heal. I recently heard that expressing is the antidote to suppressing. Expressing my tears helps me not to suppress my pain, but to move beyond it. I give it (my sadness or tears) the time it deserves, knowing that I WILL MOVE ON. And then I start to heal. However long it takes or however many tears I need to shed. It does not matter, as it is only the first step. Joy will come again. In fact, joy may never have left, it might have only been slightly obscured by a feeling of pain that needs to lift.

And what of it never lifts? What if there is some part of us "reserved" for that pain? Like when a loved one passes, there might always be that tiny part of us that longs for them. It's okay. Acknowledge it and don't dwell upon it. Shed tears and make sure you also reserve a part of yourself for joy.

Let us not flat-line our life. Let us experience all that life on earth has to offer. Do not try to tippy-toe around pain. For heaven's sake, live! Risk all. Find a way to heal if you need to (and you will need to if you live fully), but live! Live, laugh, heal and live!

Unconditionally

Unconditional. A familiar word but one that I had to get re-acquainted with recently.

How often do we think we do all the "right" things! A friend of mine recently reminded me about giving unconditionally (in this particular instance it was about giving someone their space, but it applies to everything). Yes, I thought, I am giving unconditionally as I had no expectation. I just gave. No expectation of getting anything back. Until I realised it wasn't true. Whilst I was honestly not expecting anything in return from that person, I was after a specific outcome.

Contradictory, so let me elaborate. Whilst I wasn't expecting the person to do or say anything, I was actually hoping (expecting) that the situation will change. By itself. Expecting the universe to do something. Maybe a small voice inside of me was saying "see Universe, I 'm releasing unconditionally, letting go, not expecting a reaction from the person, and not doing it for me, but doing it for "them", so please, do your job now!" Well, maybe not as harsh but in truth, it's probably not far from accurate.

There is a universal law that dictates whatever you put "out there" you get back and that you need to be clear about what you want in order for it to manifest and become real. However, that may just be a tad simplistic. I often lose sight of the next step - allowing, and more importantly - accepting - what happens as a result of doing that (putting out positive energy and creating my reality). I will constantly create energy and be clear about what I want, but then still fret about the outcome that I want. There is a fine nuance to it that I often omit, and that is to unconditionally - really unconditionally - accept what happens (assuming I did my best and that my energy and my creating this reality is true and coming from my core). And unconditionally also means not to question or analyse. When things turn our differently than what I expected or had hoped for, I would seek a reason. "The timing wasn't quite right", or "I didn't try hard enough" (that little voice of self-blame), or, lo and behold, "I should try something different". Our ego's nature is to want to know, to need an explanation or a reason. It struggles with real, true acceptance.

What if I can learn that unconditional doesn't ever need a reason or explanation once I have done my "bit"? It is not even to do something or act a certain way because of another person, as that means there is still an outcome attached to something or somebody. What if I can truly let go and do something unconditionally? Not even vaguely hoping for or expecting a specific outcome. When I'm giving someone a gift, not expecting that person's life to make the person happy; when I'm helping someone not expecting their lives to be easier; when I'm giving space not expecting the situation to change. These things will happen, they absolutely will, provided I do my best and act from my heart. But I need to unconditionally let go of the outcome. Maybe, just maybe, I will avoid more pain.

Be impeccable with your Word

Be impeccable with your Word.

These words form the first and most profound "agreement" of Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements. I won't go into the other three here, nor what he means by the term "agreement", but I highly recommend you look it up at some point as it really has the power to transform lives if understood and applied correctly. However, I do want to dwell on the first...

I ran into trouble last week, and spent at least one full evening building up a mountain of unwanted negative energy, because what I was receiving from someone - or rather, my perception of what I was receiving - did not match my expectation. Yes, I admit, there was a little bit of selfishness and ego in there, but...honestly, I thought something should or would have happened differently. My view or blueprint "dictated" something should be a certain way, and when it turned out differently, it created anxiety and anger inside me. And yes, I turned the thought over several times that I should either change what's happening if I don't like it, or accept what's happening if I can't change it. And yes, I also realised that I THOUGHT too much. But I could not stop the current of bad energy engulfing me.

See, I know all the shoulds. I studied NLP, and know the power of words, expressions, behaviour and impressions. And I accept how fundamental gratitude, the law of attraction, compassion and meditation in my life is. These strategies and practices work for me and I would not dream living a life devoid of them again. But still, I wasn't getting anywhere. Or rather I was in Upset Land, with all the Unhappy, Impatient, Ungrateful and Fretful Ones .... Until I realised my word is not impeccable.

The meaning of Ruiz's first agreement (according to Toltec spirit) is to "speak with integrity and not to speak against yourself, to yourself or to others. It is to use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love..."

However, my Word is so much more than my spoken word, opinions, comments or thoughts. Through my Word I have the power to create using expressions, emotions, attitude, actions, as well as what I don't express or what I remain silent about.

And what does impeccable mean? Anything that causes you to hold back in your actions of love for yourself and others, goes against being impeccable. So, my actions, expressions, attitude and emotions (my Word) have to be loving and kind (impeccable) against myself.

I am pondering how I perceived someone else's Word as not matching what I expected, without adhering to the first and foremost agreement to use impeccable Words against myself. How often do I do that - create a new "agreement" based on my perception of someone else's Word?

I have the power to create and radiate love and kindness to myself, regardless of someone else’s Word!

Darkness and Light

Darkness and Light

Day over night. Light over darkness. It's like these are opposing forces. Mutually exclusive. Are they really?

We all need light; sunlight for energy, warmth and survival. Light usually represents goodness. We light candles as a symbol of love, forgiveness and compassion. We refer to "our darkest hour" when things go really bad. We glow or radiate (give light) when we are happy, but are gloomy and dark when we feel sad.

There are many sayings and quotes about light and darkness, that the one can't be without the other, that we have to experience darkness to appreciate the sun and so on. Which is all true, but come to think of it, these quotes really want to make us feel LESS BAD about the so-called darkness. Don't get me wrong, I love metaphors and it is such a wonderful, rich way of "colouring" (with light) our thoughts, language and actions, but....

Do we have to feel bad about darkness? Or even afraid?

What is darkness really? It is only light not being reflected. It really is only a period where more natural is being absorbed. A different force at play.

I have always preferred the light. Whilst I am not afraid of the dark, I feel more whole in the light. So can darkness be my friend? Instead of being the opposite of the light I love and need so much, can it just be a different force in my life? You know what, I do not need to "choose" darkness, but I can be okay with it. I can embrace it as a time of reflection, rest and recuperation. And I can still provide light when there is darkness around me.

Reflection - I accept times of "less light" in my life and recognize these as natural periods to focus on different aspects of life, during which I can provide light. I embrace these different forces and remain open to what I may learn during these periods. I am. And, if I choose to be, I am LIGHT, day or night.

Stories

As a child I used to love stories. I loved reading them, but more so, I loved telling them. Making them up as I go. I remember as the eldest child how I would tell stories to my younger siblings and how they literally hung onto every word. I think I enjoyed it even more than them.

Somehow, later I stopped reading and telling stories. The "stories" were now in my head, as I was either re-thinking (and analysing) something that has happened, or thinking about (and planning) something I thought would or should happen. I later realised how often that happens in life, how somehow we just forgot to live and feel the story, how somehow we started to control our thoughts and actions around it.

Even so, we never stop telling stories. Our "stories" reflect our core values, beliefs, how we view the world, and often, how we want the world to view us. It is what we portray to others. Regardless whether others are interested in "reading" our "stories", we are still "telling" them! But often we just don't pay attention or we pre-empt others' stories. People naturally gravitate towards stories that reflect or align with their own stories or expectations. You may have a reason why you are drawn towards a particular movie or book. When you watch that movie or read that book, you don't always know how the story will unfold, although you might know (or think you know) the theme or essence of the story. And have you noticed how when you don't have a clue what to expect of the storyline, how, as every scene unfolds, your feelings and responses may unfold along with it (annoyance or boredom are also feelings or responses!). Even when you don't know the story at all, you still form a picture of how you think or expect the story to be. You can even reach the end of the movie or book, being pleasantly surprised or having changed your mind about aspects of the story along the way. That is what we also do, constantly "reading" others' stories - often clouding their true stories with our expectations or judgements. Have you made the mistake of expecting how someone else's story may unfold without just following the story? I certainly have!

Imagine your life as a series of images and happenings. What would your story be if it were to be told? If you were the lead character, how would you come across?

What is the story you are telling today? Is it in line with the story you have been telling people about you? Or want to tell people about you? It may be time to change your story. Or time to better understand others' stories, even helping them to change their stories....