Pain

I'm quite sure nobody wants to really read or write about pain. It's something we try to avoid. Our natural state as human beings is one of joy. We are born as joyful beings with pure awareness and no thoughts. Later we develop thoughts and experiences - which is what elevates us over animals. But with experience, and more so, thoughts around those experiences, often comes pain. So, I deliberately titled this blog :-)

What is pain? Pain comes when our experiences do not match our expectations and our desires. When we are hurt. Should we avoid pain? Is there even a way to avoid pain? I don't believe so. I believe pain is as natural as joy, given what we experience in life. The more we live, the more joyful we can become, but along with that, we also risk incurring pain.

What to do? Sitting with pain and nurturing it makes it worse. But we might not need to "sit" with it. Yes, we might need to acknowledge it...knowing it is there, giving it some space, but knowing that the key to dealing with it (healing) comes in the action to acknowledge and then move forward. And what would that be? Maybe the first step is not to suppress tears or sadness. I have found tremendous healing in tears. It may not work for everybody; I certainly do not want to "prescribe" how to heal. I recently heard that expressing is the antidote to suppressing. Expressing my tears helps me not to suppress my pain, but to move beyond it. I give it (my sadness or tears) the time it deserves, knowing that I WILL MOVE ON. And then I start to heal. However long it takes or however many tears I need to shed. It does not matter, as it is only the first step. Joy will come again. In fact, joy may never have left, it might have only been slightly obscured by a feeling of pain that needs to lift.

And what of it never lifts? What if there is some part of us "reserved" for that pain? Like when a loved one passes, there might always be that tiny part of us that longs for them. It's okay. Acknowledge it and don't dwell upon it. Shed tears and make sure you also reserve a part of yourself for joy.

Let us not flat-line our life. Let us experience all that life on earth has to offer. Do not try to tippy-toe around pain. For heaven's sake, live! Risk all. Find a way to heal if you need to (and you will need to if you live fully), but live! Live, laugh, heal and live!

Unconditionally

Unconditional. A familiar word but one that I had to get re-acquainted with recently.

How often do we think we do all the "right" things! A friend of mine recently reminded me about giving unconditionally (in this particular instance it was about giving someone their space, but it applies to everything). Yes, I thought, I am giving unconditionally as I had no expectation. I just gave. No expectation of getting anything back. Until I realised it wasn't true. Whilst I was honestly not expecting anything in return from that person, I was after a specific outcome.

Contradictory, so let me elaborate. Whilst I wasn't expecting the person to do or say anything, I was actually hoping (expecting) that the situation will change. By itself. Expecting the universe to do something. Maybe a small voice inside of me was saying "see Universe, I 'm releasing unconditionally, letting go, not expecting a reaction from the person, and not doing it for me, but doing it for "them", so please, do your job now!" Well, maybe not as harsh but in truth, it's probably not far from accurate.

There is a universal law that dictates whatever you put "out there" you get back and that you need to be clear about what you want in order for it to manifest and become real. However, that may just be a tad simplistic. I often lose sight of the next step - allowing, and more importantly - accepting - what happens as a result of doing that (putting out positive energy and creating my reality). I will constantly create energy and be clear about what I want, but then still fret about the outcome that I want. There is a fine nuance to it that I often omit, and that is to unconditionally - really unconditionally - accept what happens (assuming I did my best and that my energy and my creating this reality is true and coming from my core). And unconditionally also means not to question or analyse. When things turn our differently than what I expected or had hoped for, I would seek a reason. "The timing wasn't quite right", or "I didn't try hard enough" (that little voice of self-blame), or, lo and behold, "I should try something different". Our ego's nature is to want to know, to need an explanation or a reason. It struggles with real, true acceptance.

What if I can learn that unconditional doesn't ever need a reason or explanation once I have done my "bit"? It is not even to do something or act a certain way because of another person, as that means there is still an outcome attached to something or somebody. What if I can truly let go and do something unconditionally? Not even vaguely hoping for or expecting a specific outcome. When I'm giving someone a gift, not expecting that person's life to make the person happy; when I'm helping someone not expecting their lives to be easier; when I'm giving space not expecting the situation to change. These things will happen, they absolutely will, provided I do my best and act from my heart. But I need to unconditionally let go of the outcome. Maybe, just maybe, I will avoid more pain.