My gift to myself

I very seldom in my life make room for feelings of loneliness. Whilst I am often alone, I rarely feel lonely. But yesterday I had a heart-warming experience. It is amazing how many of these (heart-warming experiences) one can have if one is open to it. It is always the meaning one attaches to it...

So I had to deal with someone who appeared (seemingly) abrupt, grumpy, dissatisfied and actually quite rude, and this has been going on for some time.

But I kept my calm as I suspected it was a facade and that the person was hiding something. So after a while I laid my hand over theirs and asked - in a very kind voice - what they are afraid of. That's when they broke down, burst into tears and told me how lonely they are. I just held them tightly. My dress got drenched in tears.

How often do we hide our emotions and put up a front to the world! I suspect a front to ourselves too, as long as we do not have to deal with it. And in the process we often alienate other people.

Isn't it much easier to be authentic? Yes and no, I guess. Denial causes stress; it's a constant battle against what comes naturally. Now loneliness is a terrible companion once you allow it to get a grip on you, so I understand the need to suppress it. But if it gets replaced or drowned by a demeanour of grumpiness or rudeness, it starts a downward spiral of less social interaction resulting in more (perceived) loneliness. 

So I often guide people to explore their feelings, to understand if it's real and, if it is, what it is telling you. It always tells us something we need to know and can be very empowering to confront our emotions.

But today I felt grateful for not reacting to perceived "difficult-ness", but to give that person a chance and to be there for them, to hold them. That was my lesson and my gift to myself. Very powerful indeed.... 

Love and light,

Celeste